im drinking this country out of the recession.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
