I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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