Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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