dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
