Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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