tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
