just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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