do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
