he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
