Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
