I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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