Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
