So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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