i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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