Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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