My nipple is on Facebook.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
