Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
