Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
