I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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