ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
