You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
