i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
they need to just BURY HIM!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
