i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My ass is underappreciated
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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