We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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