im holly from the hills drunk
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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