dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
