Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
