i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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