I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
