So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Randomize
