I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
My balls are so social today.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
