This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
