We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
