we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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