he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
