i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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