She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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