I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I'm having to shit out rocks
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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