Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
