i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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