I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
