there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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