everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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