Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
