I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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