allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
