It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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