i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My ATM looks so different sober.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
