I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Randomize
