my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Even my vagina gasped.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
