what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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