DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I'm really busy with my period
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