party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
