Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize