I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
