Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
