she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
