my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
