my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize