they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
