So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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