he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
