so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
