If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
