Princesses don't give blow jobs
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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