Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
