stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
