I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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