Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
