fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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