Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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