i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Need sex. Gaining weight.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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