Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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