Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
