he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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