he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize