I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
