physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
