Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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