FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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