Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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