Do vagina's smell?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
