He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
